Aw that is very sweet to say, i’m glad the blog has comforted you, we’re in this together. I think by sharing others stories we start to see we’re not remotely alone in this, we’re in this together.
Ironically one of my friends is in a much similar situation basically a complicated relationship over a period of years, they love eachother but something is stopping the flow at the same time from being together. I really don’t miss dating so many unnesssary mind games. Love is not hard, relationships can be a lot of work but love itself should not be hard. Love is not complicated, it’s a feeling of truth and unconditional devotion. With that being said, it seems like you are stuck in the past idea of the relationship, you still turn to him whenever because you know he will be there but for you you have to decide is this healthy for yourself and your own growth or is it hindering your future relationships?
You have to decide if you want to let go in order to grow or you want to keep cycling this complicated relationship. The fact alone you are questioning this, signifies to me something is up because your intuition is questioning if this is right for you. Sometimes in my own experience we have to have that closure with people who no longer serve us any good. I remember when i had to do that with one of my best friends, mainly because our friendship was very unhealthy, he was obsessed with me, stalked me, jealous of my boyfriends and he was bisexual or confused at the time, it was a flat out mess. He gave me more pain than good so i had to just stop communicating with him because it was just so unhealthy for my well being. And just like that experience, sometimes we have to bite the bullet to do what is best for ourselves. However that doesn’t mean we don’t still love the person, we can love in a platonic way towards the people from our past who have showed us more about ourselves. Symbolically you have to acknowledge the mirror of this relationship, this is about you being friends with your past but you can’t let your past direct your present. WE can learn from our past but we can’t let it rule our life, when we let the past rule us we are stuck, unable to grow, unable to let go, and unable to release what no longer serves us. The past is a teacher, just like the ego is a teacher but if we hold onto the past with wishful thinking, you are still stuck in the idea of the relationship that is already over. Do you get what i mean?
When we can’t let go through forgiveness and love, we put barriers on ourselves. It produces a cycling of thoughts, it can also generate depression or various anxiety but the barriers can’t be lifted until we let go of the old ideas. If you want to stay friends with him, you still have to release the past fully and forgive what happened, if you don’t let go, you’ll keep cycling the energy around. When we’re able to let go, we’re able to grow in our understanding of ourselves and open the mirror of reflection of our own relationships.
The choice of understanding is up to you but there has to be a release somewhere regardless.
hope this helps you