I have been visited by my spirit guides many times, in dreams and in my waking life. I have spent years studying tarot . I had depression for probably 6 years but have recently just gotten over it.. After years of cutting. Now I am focusing on ridding myself of ego. How come if I am consciously doing this then I still get angry at people especially my father and yell at him after all my hard work? And why do my friends keep leaving my life? Making way for new people? Sorry kind of long.
this is all part of the experience babe 🙂 that’s one thing we have to realize as light beings is we have both inside of us the light and the dark but it’s a matter of accepting ourselves with our faults and loving them by forgiveness. You are still human, don’t beat yourself up over your own human emotions but don’t take them out on others either. Instead find a happy medium of unleashing your anger, a punching bag, writing, a creative outlet, releasing is key when we feel emotions otherwise we will get blocked and the energy doesn’t circulate but instead builds. i used to self harm too when i was in a dark spot but i learned that it was ALL about control because anger is an issue of the solar plexus. i personally never felt in control of my own life, my mom spoke for me my parents decided everything for me, i didnt love myself, i tortured myself to FEEL something, anything because of a closed heart but i realized i can take my anger out on anyone, i can scratch up my arms, i can do all these things but the only person it was hurting is myself. When we internalize everything and bottle it up inside, it grows and grows and grows until you have this ball of blocked excess energy stuck in your aura. you have to forgive, you have to release and you have to accept yourself, right here in the present and instead of focusing on what happened focus on what is happening NOW. how do you feel now? You can leave your past behind ya but you also can learn from it.
“The past can hurt, but the way i see it is you can either run from it or learn from it” Lion king 🙂
So this isn’t so much your father’s doing at all, this is an internalized problem that you need to face dead on with yourself. Why do you feel out of control? What caused this internal anger? was it the past? IS it because you feel your friends are leaving you? Do you not feel in control?
Citrine is great for the solar plexus, ihighly recommend some citrine to help you but also look into how to heal the solar plexus and this will help. This is one of my weakest chakras too, one of my favorite mantras i like to say when i’m angry is “I am always in control, I have the life force flowing through my veins, I am in control” and repeat that until you bring your awareness back to present and in stillness. It will help
Also here’s some solar plexus info: http://www.carlamary.net/SolarPlexusblocks.html
As we’re shifting and changing frequency, our vibrations are higher which means old karmic 3d relationships are ending, therefore a lot of your old friends will slip away from you. I understand this one a lot too, after i awakened it was like a lot of my old friends wanted nothing to do with me or even if i did hang out with them, there was just this cloud between us, i felt alone in a crowded room. So instead of feeling sorry for myself like i used to do, i met a bunch of beautiful spiritual people online who made me feel not so alone and they understood me and helped me cope with awakening. If we can’t be together in presence, we can at least be together in mind <3 soon your vibrations will rise in ways where you will meet new people who are more in tune with where you are right now.
I hope things get better for you
much love and healing light <3