It is february the month of love, there’s a lot of focus on love, relationships and most importantly self-love. Today I wanted to share how we can begin transcending our pain back into love. I often talk a lot about positivity, empowering ourselves and how it’s important to live a higher vibrational life. What I don’t always share is that it wasn’t always this way.

In fact, I used to hate myself, have tremendous body shame, think I was stupid and basically used to self-punish myself.

I could go into the details of this but it’s really not about that at all. It’s a part of my past though.

When everyone and your brother says “just go love yourself”, It isn’t always easy. In fact making the choice to love ourselves, be kind and gentle with ourselves, well that’s a full time job but it can be the best decision of your life.

Beating ourselves up and judging ourselves is a habit that all of us possess and something I’m still working on daily. It’s important to see that journey to transcending pain into love is a moment by moment decision.

Eventually those decisions add up into subtle shifts that seriously can change your life for the better. I say that with all of my heart.

While I wholeheartedly believe the path of awakening IS a path to embracing your Bliss and Joy, it also requires some deeper level energetic work and loving yourself every step of the way

As we come into February, the month of love I am reminded of the moment I truly forgave myself. The moment I forgave my ex who is now the love of my life(and father to my babies ?)

Through moments of self torture, body shaming and way too much self hate I get it but I also know it doesn’t have to be that way.


It begins with being more kind to ourselves, giving that love we obsess with on others whether it’s romantically or someone you idol worship like a celebrity, back to ourselves

It begins with forgiving yourself for the negative and harsh things you say to yourself on a daily basis.

We often don’t realize that self-judgment is one of the worst problems in the world.

When we beat ourselves up for simple things like not doing everything on our to-do list, not answering that email/text, not doing the dishes because you’re exhausted, not working harder and doing more – we’re taking our power away.

And let’s be real here, I doubt someone is standing over your shoulder *pointing a finger* going

‘oh you didn’t do that, that and that so now you’re a terrible person’

No – Its bizarre to think of it that way but those simple judgments towards yourself are basically like torturing yourself for no apparent reason.

You either do it or you don’t. But if you don’t – don’t guilt trip, shame yourself, and play the ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda’ game on yourself because THAT is what is taking away your power.

It Begins with taking your power back & nourishing your soul.

It begins with trusting and believing in yourself

It begins by slowly working on loving yourself like it’s your
full time job because it is.

Newsflash no one is here to save you, except you so the best thing you can ever do for yourself is start today.

Make THAT your habit.

A Full time commitment to loving yourself more and more each day.

I see so much talk about relationships and finding the “one”. A friend of mine recently told me, he’s ready to give up on his life, just because he can’t get a solid date with a woman.

And I told him, that’s the stupidest attitude to ever have, no one is ever worth that.

And I meant it.

It’s when we realize that a deeply fulfilling loving higher vibrational relationship cannot be accessed outside of you until you have that cultivated within you.

(repeat that in your head if you need it)

What we give to ourselves, we give to others

We cannot expect that love and kindness, if we are not giving it back authentically, raw, and honest to ourselves FIRST,



The real story of how I came to truly love myself wasn’t about how much self-care I had or even the growth in my relationship when we got back together.

The truth was that I was done fighting with myself and I had to forgive myself for self-hate/self-harm. This began with learning to love myself and making that a commitment to myself. Not because I needed a relationship to fill me up but because I hated myself so much I didn’t have the capacity to receive a loving fulfilling relationship.

I constantly sabotaged it, I thought all sorts of things, I had crazy paranoia about cheating, jealousy and all sorts of things because I couldn’t admit —

okay energetically – Now I know what was going on, I was sabotaging the relationship because I wasn’t capable of believing someone could love me that much. I didn’t believe I could have that. So even though I was in a relationship, I sabotaged it because of my pain.

Karmic relationships are nothing more than manifested old pain.

All of the stuff in my head – jealousy, resentment, paranoia – was just lies i was telling myself to keep myself safe.

It wasn’t until I fulled faced my fear, I was afraid of Love and through Heart Chakra Healing, I slowly began to forgive myself. I started doing things differently, I took time to nourish myself more, I stopped the body shame, I stopped calorie counting and food label reading, I stopped all the paranoia and instead – I began to Trust and Believe in myself.

I began transmuting that Pain into Love.

I started to focus on What makes me happy without any relationship. What makes ME happy, what brings ME Joy, What brings ME fulfillment.

That simple shift changed my entire life. I healed my Heart and I’ve never looked back since 🙂


Discovering the Chakras changed my life not because of the knowledge but because of what I discovered within myself.

There’s a lot of hoopla about “positive thoughts only” in the spiritual community and how we need to stay high vibe all the time.

The truth is glossing over our shit with *positive affirmations* and pretending we’re not human beings with emotions – doesn’t really get you anywhere.

(Side Note: Let me be clear affirmations and mantras can be helpful, they are great amplifiers epecially if used on your phone. However if you’re not dealing with the energetic baggage and only using affirmations – it really won’t do anything because you’re causing a disconnect between the mind and the body. )

And It’s a shame most of us as a society the cultural norm is to suppress our emotions, bottle up how we feel and play small.

In fact, I can tell you right now, Suppressing our Pain and resistance is actually what is suppressing our gifts. (please take that with you 😉 )

True Empowerment is about learning to stop suppressing our pain and transmute into the light of love and healing.

We’re not meant to just keep living and basking in our pain, victim story and bullshit.

no, no, no, that’s the old model, that’s the old paradigm.

Aren’t we creating a new paradigm? Isn’t that what this is all about?

We’re meant to RISE above it.

We’re meant to transmute it back into Loving Source energy.

And that begins with you.

I have created some Soul Medicine for you if this really spoke to you to help you with this, This is the beginning steps to how to start transmuting our pain back into love.

Below is a Meditation on Transcending Pain using our body,

I hope this tool serves you well


Soul Medicine:

Ask yourself: what is one thing I can think today to be more kind to myself? What is one self-loving ritual I can do to slow down my day
and tune back in?
What is one area of my body that I need to send loving thoughts to today?

After listening in, How’d it go for you?

I’d love to hear thoughts and Qs in the comments below!



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Hey There!

I’m Ashley, As an Empowerment Mindset Coach & Manifestation Expert, I support Spiritual empaths (or Lightworkers) Struggling to Manage their Symptoms of Spiritual awakening. I teach them how to Emotionally heal & Change the way they Think & act, so that they  can confidently Own their Intuitive gifts, Believe in their own Success & Manifest a Soul Aligned Life they are obsessed with

 The Awakened State is a place of Emotional Empowerment, Divine Support & Guidance to help you on your spiritual journey.


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