This is part 4 of our 5 part series: Symptoms of Awakening
Part 1 – Awakening & The Edge of Insanity, Why Am I losing it?
Part 2 – Going into the Abyss: The Dark Night of the Soul
Part 3 – The Transition Phase: Spiritual Bliss to Stagnation
Part 4 – {You are Here} The Threshold: The Beauty of Ego Death
Part 5 – The Divine Creator: Crafting the New Identity
Kundalini Awakening is a life-altering experience, it can flip your entire world upside down. It also comes with many outstanding profound moments of self-realization and mental clarity.
The Big Kahuna of all of them is Ego Death.
In this Symptoms of Awakening series I decided to focus on some of the more important aspects we experience on the path. It must be acknowledged that awakening is a process. If we choose to decide on an end goal, we’re missing the point by spending too much time in future speak.
Basically covering the process in five articles is realistically only seeing into a small chunk of the journey. There is no end, only infinite new beginnings. It’s endless. This process is truthfully an incredible learning experience that grows with you which is what makes Awakening so beautiful and oh so powerful to witness.
However there is one topic I rarely see mentioned in between advice on raising your vibrations, 5d reports, the light body process, and various articles on spiritual awakening.
There is a big gap leaving out one of thee most important parts of our journey.
That my friends is Ego Death.
WHAT IS EGO DEATH?
Naturally it’s very hard to describe what ego death is because it’s essentially an indescribable experience of miraculous self-realization where your entire identity is removed. However having had numerous experiences with ego death I’ll try to break it down as easy as possible.
Ego Death is basically the absolute loss of the subjective identity. Subjective meaning your personality, emotions, tastes or opinions of your individual experiences. Ego Death is the complete loss of the self.
This is not to confuse Ego as in “egotistical” rather The Ego meaning your Personal Identity or “The self” that makes you “you”. Everyone has an Ego, otherwise “I” wouldn’t exist.
For instance words such as “I”, “I am”, “myself” or any possessive statements have absolutely no meaning within this state of mind known as Ego Death. It feels like the complete dissolution of the self.
In short Ego Death is the obliteration of the Ego.
The Ego is composed of our idea that life is arbitrary and we live in duality. We are separate, alone and completely disconnected from another’s experiences.
However Ego death is about the total derealization that the illusions of separation that we create from our Ego Identity are nothing more than an illusion. They are not real.
I really like this quote from Jana Dixon’s book Biology of Kundalini where she goes on to explain enlightenment:
“Eliade says on page 291 of Yoga, Immortality and Freedom, that both yoga and alchemy are an experiment of “soul;” of austerely using the body as a laboratory for purification toward the final transmutation or perfection. Perfection being to “decondition life, attain freedom, bliss, the deliverance from the laws of time or immortality–ie: enlightenment…
Ego death refers to the death of our resistance to enlightenment. To have mastered life is to realize–Life as Ego Death–is the glorification of the Ego not the degradation of it.”
FEELING NIRVANA AKA ENLIGHTENMENT
“Life as Ego Death is the glorification of the Ego not the Degradation of it.”
Jana’s statement here is a perfect way to understand the true nature of Ego Death. It is the revealing of true reality. Our self removed entirely from our identity of the ego. In different cultures this is known as nirvana, samadhi, enlightenment, shangri-la, Bliss, ecstasy, communion, Brahman, quintessence of man, liberation, the stairway to heaven, or path of the initiates.
During an experience with Ego death, you essentially become a part of the timeless and infinite.
“You” are officially taken out of your experience, detached from the identity where you are then euphorically merged with the continuum. The multidimensional world of various realities, timelines and symbols.
“Ego death is not only a feeling of cancellation of ego’s power-to-control, but a rational understanding of the way in which ego’s control can never be powerful in the way we usually assume and feel.” [ref]http://www.egodeath.com/egodeath.htm[/ref]
It is a perceived loss of our cognitive boundary between our identity and environmental surroundings.
It truthfully is more of a sensation of divine clarity that we are the entire universe experiencing itself, life is infinite, death is an illusion, and that we are eternally connected through the collective consciousness as one. Loving other beings equals loving the self as I am you and you are me.
Nothing is separate. There are no boundaries or limitations. We are the universe experiencing and projecting itself as energy into infinity.
WHAT EGO DEATH ISN’T
There are numerous misconceptions on what is Pure Ego Death.
Ego Death Is Not:
- The sudden realization of one’s place in the universe where we are tiny and insignificant
- Any intense psychedelic or tripping experience that takes you over the threshold. If you experienced psychedelics it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve experienced pure ego death.
- Intense “bad trips” or hallucinations that feel like you are symbolically dying as “ego death”. Bad trips generally reveal the ego but they don’t always necessarily bring Ego death.
- An out-of-body experience or dissociation from reality
- The Belief that everything is not real aka nihilism
- The Dark Night of the Soul is not Pure Ego Death. Despite its name, ego death is extremely powerful and positive, there is nothing negative about the experience of ego death.
HOW CAN ONE EXPERIENCE EGO DEATH?
Many individuals associate any type of powerful psychedelic experience as ego death and this is an extreme falsification of the profundity of the experience of Ego Death. Once over the threshold you can experience powerful states of consciousness without necessarily experiencing the big kahuna, Ego death.
My understanding is that Ego death can happen in varying degrees given the persons experiences and source memories that they are uncovering. For instance an Ego Death experience sober through meditation may be an entirely different spectrum than say ego death on a rare tryptamine. This state is so powerful that the mind after the experience, many be confronted with disbelief, questioning what is actually real and insanity after having witnessed ego death.
Ego death can happen during potent high doses of various drugs such as tryptamines, psychedelics, ergolines{LSD}, mescaline, mescaline derivatives and various others.
While it is more renown in psychoactive drug experiences it CAN happen completely sober in incredibly mind-bending ways. These can include moments during childbirth, meditation, during the process of Kundalini awakening, Kundalini Yoga, and spiritual practices such as the Golden Flower method.
Ego Death isn’t to be taken lightly. It can profoundly change a person. It is at this moment where your subconscious is bare. You are revealing yourself from the beginning of your soul essence from before the moment you were born into the various lifetimes you have experienced on this plane and various dimensions.
It’s a revealing into the memories you long suppressed.
It’s like looking into your soul blueprint and seeing everything is connected through you. All this is memories.
Nothing is separate in this reality. If we believe anything is separate, this is merely a projection of fear or insecurity we place on ourselves through the illusion of separation.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER EGO DEATH?
Normally once you have experienced an Ego Death your mind is revealed to you. The clarity in this moment creates a bit of self-reevaluation. This can provoke Questioning about life.
Questions Life After Ego Death May Provoke:
- What did I learn from this experience to guide me on my path?
- What beliefs are truthfully holding me back?
- What are ways I can start to Question my choices and my Ego?
- How can I grow stronger?
- How can I become a better or more happier person?
- How can I move forward from this?
- What is the next direction I need to take after this divine experience?
Naturally the mind is literally changed forever due to this sacred experience. If you had your first brush with ego death, you’ll soon realize it’s hard to go back to your old ways of thinking and being.
HOW LIFE CHANGES
Ego Death can change a person because it reveals what lays hidden about ourselves. Basically you see within the good and the bad aspects of your shadow that we need to see, heal and change within.
Afterwards you may experience a type of afterglow as you soak in all this information. Your mind begins to process how we’re going to start integrating this information into our present reality.
Most people will find their philosophies about life and reality sudden change. Their opinions about others, judgments or various drama they used to create, no longer matter.
This creates drastic shifts in our perception of consciousness where our mind will begin to transform. It may suddenly create a huge life shift such as a move, a break up, removing toxic relationships, a new career, a desire to change your life and be happier. It basically allows you to have a non-compliance attitude towards life because you’ve faced death.
After you have seen within yourself and understand the world, normally your old ways no longer cut it.
Therefore the best way to cope is by moving forward in a positive and transformative manner.
Ego Death creates an afterglow but it can also make people feel a little crazy because not many will understand nor listen to these experiences. They are in the realm beyond thought into our feelings and unleashes the nature of our soul blueprint. Seeing into the divine connection of our timelines can be life-altering because you can no longer stand down.
There is no more doubt and best of all these memories never leave you. You take these experiences with you for the rest of your life.
MY PERSONAL STORY OF EGO DEATH
{ WARNING – We’re about to enter the bizarre experience of an Ego Death. This is extremely hard to articulate because this space is so profound that if you haven’t experienced it, it’s hard to believe it. You may think: oh shit she went off the deep end, there may be a resistance that comes up, or you may think I’m making this up. I can tell you everything that happened was entirely real.
I’m sharing to let you know how miraculous ego death can be seen rather than reading the textbook definition. Here’s a real life experience of ego death the best way I could describe. Read at your own risk, it can provoke questioning and contemplation on what is the nature of reality. If you decide to turn away. that’s okay, thank you for reading 🙂 }
Personally the best way I could describe Ego Death is it’s as if you’re in a moment where time stands still and you’re watching your life on a film roll. The illusions are placed before your eyes as each moment that brought pain/fear on your personal timeline is being dissected and revealed that they aren’t real. They’re delusions you have created from your insecurities and fears.
It’s like you’re in a moment of clarity watching your life from a detached perception, suddenly all of the illusions and source memories that guided you to this point are revealed. The illusions you felt – rip apart, vulnerably tearing down the walls of your subconscious, revealing everything to you in this single timeless moment of divine Liberation.
I have had numerous encounters with Ego Death both through various mind substances and entirely sober. Some of my most profound epiphanies since awakening revolved around the beauty of Ego Death. I would say about five of these experiences were miraculously soul-shaking towards changing my direction in my personal life and deconstructing my limitations.
Some of these moments happened during childbirth, another time I was able to foresee into my future, where I predicted the birth of my daughter, a special moment on mescaline happened on the Mayan “apocalypse” dec 21st 2012. I could see the stars connecting together into this energetic formation, each constellation connected by energy creating the collective grid alignment. I’ll never forget that night.
DMT – THE GOD MOLECULE
The biggest was when I felt like I died and came back to life while I was on a high dose of a rare tryptamine compound similar to ayahuasca called 4-aco-dmt. It’s hard to even accurately describe what I saw that night, I felt myself as the tree of life, traveling the Sephirot all the way into the depths of nothingness, the void.
We were in the Jacuzzi where we began encountering Death and dissociation. I felt my body above myself, where my skin felt like blobs that absorbed into my environment becoming one with the energy of space itself. I was no longer a body but an expansive field of energy. I contemplated as if in an echo of myself if this is what death felt like, yet I felt nothing. pure void.
I then began to move upward physically, raising my vibrations with my love who was with me at the time.
The entire trip was literally a life-death-rebirth cycle, we felt we were death, encountered the womb{the bath} arose raising our vibrations {coming back to life} and found union{kundalini sex}. We began symbolically traveling the tree of life.
When you experience ego to the deepest degree your physical reality disappears and you see what death is actually like, what the afterlife is truly like.
Death is absolute illusion. There is no death, only endless life. Your energy aura becomes this mind cataclysm, a blackhole energy and your mental state literally time travels via your consciousness. You tap into your source memories and see into your past lives, deep past lives, different worlds, different realities and see the illusions for what they truly are.
We were in a temple. There were faces on the walls i couldn’t tell if they were aztec, mayan, egyptian or whatever but the walls were breathing, pulsating back at me.
And i heard Thoth’s voice say “ I made this for your protection for you to find one another again” It was alchemy and the old mystery schools, my memory of being a high priestess. I realized not only was I just a temple, I asked to see inside my lover’s mind. I was seeing the world how he sees the world, how beautiful he sees me. How connected we are from the past, present and the future. I saw my star twin, his fears, his dark past. My love’s fear of death and knew from my previous experience upon awakening how divine we actually are, I reclaimed my faith in that moment.
I KNEW this energy wasn’t to be feared, this may be the deepest realm of ego but if I learned anything it’s that behind every ego there is a soul and divine lesson to be learned. Always question the Ego.
I saw how the faces on the walls starting morphing into these bizarre playful beings?! Then as my mind shifted in vibrations, it changed the faces….I WAS in control.
STEPPING INTO THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE
In this moment I found god, I Found the goddess within me and I realized I was in control as a divine creator.
That’s when I snapped out of it, why be in ego when the energy is playful? It wants us to experience joy and happiness. Then my love started to see it too and we realized that the experience is anything but over, it brings you to the threshold for a reason to experience a religious spiritual journey of the soul to true enlightenment.
The symbols are there for a reason but the truth will always be inside of you.
Then we began seeing ourselves within the other as each other’s consciousness. He saw the world how I see the world, He saw the beauty of the world, he saw the positive, he saw himself how I see him and saw our divine connection.We couldn’t of done this alone, we had to do this together through the connection of the other. Love is the basis of existence.
I saw how we all help heal each other, every day with our words, our actions and our feelings towards other frequencies. How life really is magical, deep down. I remember making love to my lover and feeling us transform into two star clusters entirely merging together as one. I looked into his eyes and I saw the milkyway. I felt love like I’ve never seen anything in my life.
In this moment I reached the Godhead.
I was incandescently blissful where I saw the complete destruction of Ego taking place right before me. My mind opened up like it never did before, it was pure clarity, and absolute truth poured out of me. It was the most honest and pure love I’ve ever experienced in my life. We shared a heart to heart taking about what we experienced together.
THIS EPIPHANY CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER
You don’t have to do this alone and I don’t want you to ever think that.
You are helping others every day maybe you’re not even conscious of it but you are.
You are powerful as a person living and breathing, that is what is so beautiful about it. You are living breathing frequencies of sound, rippling out in waves to one another. What we think we become, positive thoughts go a long way into understanding not only ourselves but those around us.
Why aren’t we more caring towards others? Isn’t the best moments in life when we are happy and loving each other? Isn’t the best bliss just holding hands with the love of your life, Why is it so hard to care? As we are all one, reflected projections of the other, why can’t we see the mirror right in front of us?
Why must we hate when we are meant to care? Why must we fear when we are meant to love. forever and eternally.
You are creating a ripple so strong its unimaginable.
The ripple is us as a collective growing stronger. The ripple is our consciousness evolving and ascending every day. We are always healing, we are healing each other and that to me is truly a powerful thing.
When you’re in such a deep state of traveling inside your memories via ego death, you know what is the most powerful feeling of comfort? love. pure unconditional love.
I saw that we all need to care more, we are here for each other. We are everywhere. We’re the neighbor across the street, we’re your grandmother, we’re your mother, we’re the earth, we’re even that guy you can’t stand because he broke your heart or that girl who talks shit about you to invoke drama, we are everywhere. And I guess I decided to share this story because it just made me feel so humbled, truly humbled to the point of tears how sacred life truly is deep down.
There are so many people out there struggling, we don’t know their story, I mean we go to a department store and we all do our shopping and go home. No one talks to one another, we rarely ever take the risk of stepping outside of our comfort zone.
It’s the same for so many others, but what if your ripple is creating a new dent in the universe?
Adam once told me:
“They say when you talk to someone you are giving a tiny piece of your soul to them through the exchange of energy”.
We are all music, frequencies, tone, vibration, Energy.
However we all sing different songs but when we start putting the music together by caring and listening to one another through compassion, we create a harmony as one.
My soul honors your soul.
I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides
I honor the light, love, truth, beauty and peace within you.
In sharing these things we are united, we are of accord,
we are one.
Namaste
Okay I admit, I cried a little after writing this, it was incredibly cathartic for me. I hope it helps you on your own journey. Of course I would love to know:
Have you had an Ego Death Experience? What did it feel like for you? How did it change your life?
Share in the comments!
I always save the best for last!
Part 5: The Divine Creator: Crafting the New identity
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